Cheater Cheater

Even if it is with your man in the scenario, it is fascinating to watch:

She is the sweet and sulky one behind the counter (ticket, video-rental, haircut place...). Her hair shines with overcombing, her teeth are straight and white. She has tight but yielding hips, and her braless, pert breasts advertise Hershey's kisses puffs of areola even a hetero woman might agree are tempting.

As he approaches the desk, he catches all of these physical details and more. His love is renewed. The blood leaves his brain (of course) taking with it a message of "UNG. MUST. HAVE. MUST PLANT SEED IN THIS."

The imperative to reproduce, to spread his seed across the nations, is the typical translation, even if his seed is so far gone and dried up it has a hard sunflower hull around it.

And if the brain fails to recall the departed blood, if the synapses fail to retrieve the protocol of contemporary conditioning (thou shalt not spread one’s seed [cheat], as thou is not a simian), the results are as interesting as the initial crossing over into primal pull.

A ONE-MAN EXAMPLE

Sixty-two and four ex-wives in, he frequents a country he has special affinity for, one with a history of penury and a requirement of passports and the like. There--in a local watering hole with a modest fare of tacos and cerveza-- he is waited on by a twenty-year-old (who fits the above description, plus almond eyes and a rebellious bent that adds to her allure).

He courts as hard as one auditioning for a dream gig, showering, shaving, bestowing upon the poor one gifts she never even bothered dream of--five-pound boxes of chocolate, cell phones and calling cards, computers, TVs, electricity, a refrigerator, cash.

He takes a full year to work her into believing he is in love with her, tells his friends that he has only had one true love before, and must have happiness again before he goes.

The need-and-supply exchange works well, and he marries her and brings her home. After much shopping in the land of golden dreams come true, they settle in to have babies, clean the house, bring in party friends who have accepted the marriage and their love and celebrate it with bar-b-cues and booze.

At one particular party, she is shooting shots and serving guests...and shushing pals in the kitchen, so she can listen in on a phone conversation he is having in the bathroom down the hall. In the excitement and energy of open-curtained sunny salons and heart-racing mariachi musica, the guests hear a door getting kicked in and some Spanish rants.

He has been speaking to another woman, telling her how much he misses her and how, yes, he loves her, too.

O, infidel. Too bad your evolutionary makeup has not come with an instruction manual on timing, on ethics, on change. Too bad you have left the forests primeval without word from those who grunted before you. So sorry you have not made the Darwinian crossover as smoothly as nature, community, and humanity might have intended.

Now, what's the woman's excuse?

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The stats are conflicting, but telling:

According to Bob Lanier, of askbob.com, up to 37% of all men and 22% of all women admit to having affairs.

According to AP [during the Clinton scandal], 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past; and 17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.

And according to Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs, "...the most widely accepted figures indicate that between 50 and 70 percent of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives."